Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Dating Dilemma

Being a single 24 year old, I am a prime participant of the dating game. I have never been a fan of random dating. I like meeting people and getting to know them through friends where if you like each other you gradually start hanging out more and if you don’t you don’t and it’s no big deal (or knowing someone as a friend and that friendship gradually turns into something more). Being asked on a date when you barely know someone is a whole other story. Don’t get me wrong, I like eating out, going out to be social and watching movies, but that doesn’t mean I like dating.

Case in point: I like to think that I am a nice person and, if you know me, you know I enjoy talking. So I am a great dater- I keep the conversation flowing and I am nice to you even if I don’t like you. The problem is, guys seem to think that if you are chatty, show interested, laugh and are nice through the entire evening that you dig them. No. That is just me being me. Being nice doesn’t mean you like someone, it just means you are nice.

Then once the said date is over and I am nice and the boy thinks he likes me, I have to make a decision. Do I like him enough to go out with him again or if I didn’t get much from it, do I just end it now? I am a firm believer that if you don’t feel some sort of connection pretty early with someone, then it’s not going to work. So if we go on a long date and I don’t feel it, it’s probably not there, but if we went on a shorter date I might give it another go. But this is a double standard- you’re mean if you don’t give the guy another chance and you’re a tease if you keep going out with him to see if you eventually do and then a couple of weeks down the road decide you don’t like him and end it. Then he gets annoyed that he wasted all that time and money or is hurt because I was leading him on.

It’s just a mess. I don’t wanna be mean and not give someone a chance but I don’t wanna keep trying to “see” if I like someone and then they get hurt. This is why dating sucks. And I’m not saying all guys I date want to keep dating me- that’s not true (there are plenty I have liked that have no reciprocated)- but I am a generally easy person to get along with, so I feel the ball is often in my court. Then, even if I do like someone, it doesn’t mean I want to see or talk to them all the time. Let’s take it slow- I just met you. BUT not too slow because I lose interest if I am not pursued (sorry, I’m old fashioned that way). And you can’t go too fast because then I get freaked out and run. Ugh it’s exhausting just to think about.

So this is why I hate dating. If anyone has advice on how I can change this mindset, please let me know, because I literally will be the old lady with all the cats just because I refuse to date.
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