Sunday, May 22, 2011

Coupling

It seems that everybody is coupling up. There are few friends of mine that are single, for many of my close friends and roommates are in long-term relationships. Luckily, I love most of their significant others (SO's) and enjoy spending time with them. However, it does leave me being the 3rd (or 5th or 7th...) wheel many times. Sure, we still hang out and do fun things, but it is rarely just me and my friend. It is me and my friend AND their SO. I don't hate it, but it is not the same.

The thing is, we are friends with most of our friends before they meet their SO's. They are our people. Their SO's are not our people. Sure I love their SO's and how happy they make them, but I am not friends with their SO's. I would not talk to their SO's  if they broke up (sorry). I would even defriend them on facebook (this practice is a given without even asking). My friends would always win.

I was thinking about how my life is changing and how this is a big part of it- people are coupling up and when they do we lose a part of them. I am so happy that my friends are meeting their SO's and  husbands or at least people that make them happy for now. But I also realize that I lose part of my friends in the process. Less late night calling to talk about nothing. Not as many "girl days" where we go shopping, get our nails done and do dinner. Friends can't do things at the drop of a hat as much. Nights are harder to coordinate. While that all still happens, it does not happen the same way or with the same frequency it used to. We talk about our SO's and less about us, because their life is now a part of someone elses' life too. Schedules are harder to coordinate, people aren't as spontaneous, and instead of coming home for holidays and events where I can see their family (who are like my second family), they are off somewhere else with someone elses family. My role is a little less. I am needed less. Sure I still fill an important role in their life, but it is different.

I was thinking about this fact last weekend and how sad it truly is. The relationships I once had with friends are changing. Even if I am fine being single my whole life (or for the time being), my role is still changing regardless of if I am or not. Friends will be in and out of relationships for the rest of my life, and I will be there with them every step of the way. I will be in and out of relationships, and they will be there for me. But it will be hard loosing a part of them in the process. And being the 3rd wheel isn't nearly as fun as going one on one with a great friend.

But I know in my heart that friends share things that lovers and SO's never will. And that's what makes it all worth it.
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