Sunday, July 29, 2012


The next time I go to Duck (Outer Banks), I want to stay at "Bob."

Because, why not?

Friday, July 20, 2012

A Stranger's Advice

Some good advice from a random guy's blog I stumbled upon online:
  • Possessions are worse than worthless — they’re harmful. They add no value to your life, and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc.
  • Slow down. Rushing is rarely worth it. Life is better enjoyed at a leisurely pace.
  • Goals aren’t as important as we think. Try working without them for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without goals. And you don’t have to manage them, cutting out on some of the bureaucracy of your life. You’re less stressed without goals, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without them. 
  • There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.
  • The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey. We’re so worried about goals, about our future, that we miss all the great things along the way. If you’re fixated on the goal, on the end, you won’t enjoy it when you get there. You’ll be worried about the next goal, the next destination.
  • A good walk cures most problems. Want to lose weight and get fit? Walk. Want to enjoy life but spend less? Walk. Want to cure stress and clear your head? Walk. Want to meditate and live in the moment? Walk. Having trouble with a life or work problem? Walk, and your head gets clear. (I SOOOOO agree with this! A too hot summer is ruining my favorite activity)
  • Let go of expectations. When you have expectations of something — a person, an experience, a vacation, a job, a book — you put it in a predetermined box that has little to do with reality. You set up an idealized version of the thing (or person) and then try to fit the reality into this ideal, and are often disappointed. Instead, try to experience reality as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and be happy that it is.
Think of all this going into the weekend- I especially like the "living without goals." I think goals are important but sometimes can become overwhelming to live with on your shoulders all the time. For the next week I am letting go of all my goals and expectations and am just going to live!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Baby Mamma

This summer I have been watching a 9 month old, Nathan, once a week, who is the son of one of my coworkers. This is the first time I have ever watched a baby for an extensive period of time, and, therefore, it has been an interesting experience.

 Yes, I am with a baby. And I have proof.

First off, I never realized how you have to watch the baby EVERY SECOND. This kid can't even walk yet (he crawls and can stand up and move holding on to things), but he always goes to things that he shouldn't- cords, pulling lamps, touching things under the TV, ect. And he KNOWS he shouldn't do it, because whenever he goes to those things, he will look at me and smile! Little mischievious kid, already. But he has begun babbling, which is super cute, and he is good at playing/talking with himself.

Napping is another story. He will fall asleep in my arms after a bottle, but the SECOND I get up and walk to his crib, he will wail. I am told he is a great sleeper at night, but I am learning that this kid does not like day naps unless they are in the arms of someone, which is cute, but limits the mom (or me) from doing anything else for that hour he sleeps. I guess an hour without having to watch him is a gift, though!

 I'm cute even though I don't like to nap in my crib.

Feeding also takes forever. I never realized that it takes a baby at least 30 minutes to be fed something and that is is MESSY. He can feed himself solid foods, but I have to be there for the soft food feeding and to make sure he doesn't shove the solid food all in his mouth at once and choke to death. He also makes funny noises, rocks himself excitedly back and forth, and dances while he eats, which is cute, but makes the whole process take longer. He is great with a bottle, though. Humans love for food must be innate!

 Yummy food!

Every time I have been there, I have had to do a whole outfit change because he pees all over himself. I thought diapers were supposed to protect leaks? (I also have learned about cloth diapers...I am not sure I am sold). Or maybe this kid has the bladder of an adult, because he is a pee-er. And when he is pooping it is pretty obvious- his face turns red and he just stares at me and then gets really happy a few seconds later. The farting gives it away, too. He enjoys being changed too much, because he wiggles and giggles all over the place, so it makes getting him cleaned up a race because I don't want him to get his poops all over the changing table. I also have learned quickly to not wear any good clothes because I undoubtedly get pee or spit up all over me. I can see why moms don't even try to look attractive much.

I don't know how stay at home moms do it, and it reaffirms my belief that I will never be able to be one. Watching a kid 24/7 gets exhausting, and I can see how it becomes very isolating. The big plus, though, is that you can watch anything in the background and the kid won't complain or even pay attention to the TV! And a stroller and play pin are lifesavers.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Facebook, Frizz and Food

I know they are not related, but a few updates/developments for me:

Facebook: I have decided to, though I am no giving up my account, severely limit my time spent on facebook to once a day for 10 minutes. I am finding that the more I am on it, the less good I feel about myself. Also, the fact that I need to be on it to learn information about my friends shows that some friends are probably worth not keeping up with. I am thinking my social circle needs to be limited. I can see less pictures of weddings and babies and be fine.

Frizz: Summer is the time that I take off from doing my hair (i.e. blow drying and straightening). I have not let any type of heat product touch my hair since my friend's wedding on June 16th.

I can count on one hand the number of times I will need to do my hair until I go back to work in late August (probably one 2 times). Unfortunately, even though I am styling my hair less, I am swimming in chlorine which is drying as well! And my "natural" hair style is not the most beautiful but is appropriate for summer casualness.

Food: I hit my one-year anniversary of being a vegetarian on July 3rd! I can't say it has been life changing, but I am much healthier, spend much less on groceries than I did in the past and have not been sick since giving up meat (not even a cold). I do have seafood once a month and do not worry when something I eat is cooked with meat or touched meat, so I often tell people I am a "lazy vegetarian." I am sticking with it though! I do try to be mostly vegan but let myself have cheese and yogurt.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

From the Outside

Following in the footsteps of this and this post, I am getting brutally honest today. I have had a hard time putting my thoughts for this together without revealing too much to strangers about what has been going on, but I hope this justifies what I want to say. I am not talking about this to get pity, but instead to be honest and hopefully reach out to someone going through the same thing at this time in their life.

At 26, I am one of the few of my friends who is single. Each and every week someone new gets engaged, married or meets someone. I know, I know- I have talked about all this before. But it is really starting to wear down on me. I am lonely, feeling lost and not sure where my furture is headed or what I want. I go on dates and dates and dates and keep putting myself out there, but nothing is happening. I just want a buddy; I want someone to hang out with who enjoys doing the same things that I do. That, I think, is all anyone wants. A partner.

This summer is full of weddings, as next summer is shaping up to be as well. And I love weddings and celebrating, but I also find them getting increasingly hard to go to. I am always going alone, so even when I am in a place full of love and friends, I feel like an outsider. No one to text, no one to dance with (besides creepy other single guys who say inappropriate things to you...cue some interesting wedding stories) and no one to share the joy with. I was getting my hair and makeup done for my friend's wedding who I was in and while we were waiting EVERYONE was on their phone texting their boyfriends. Of nine bridesmaids, only me and one other were single. It really got to me.

It is hard to watch people you love move on to such exciting parts of their lives- love, sharing experiences with someone, new families, and new lifestyles- and not experience it yourself. I have had many breakdowns lately and can't seem to shake this feeling that I will never get what everyone else has. (I KNOW that no relationship is perfect, but even with the imperfections that come there are moments of pure bliss and opportunities/joy that arise from them).

From the outside I have always done everything I am supposed to- have lots of friends, get good grades, go to college, graduate, get a master's, buy a car, get a job, buy a house, ect. But what no one ever tells you is that doing everything like you are supposed to doesn't guarantee it will all go like it is "supposed to." That you will miss out on a lot by doing everything by the book. And that it gets harder and harder and harder to put on a smile and act like everything is fabulous. That as happy as you want to be and should be, you can't help but feel alone. And loneliness is the human condition. But with all we have now to keep connected to people we care about, sometimes you can't get connected enough no matter how much you try to reach out.

And so that is where I am in life right now. I am lonely, I feel lost and I don't know how to fix it. And it sucks. I can't imagine feeling this way for the rest of my life with even more marriages and friends having will just be never ending. Again, I don't want pity, I just wanted to be honest, because through my bubbly personality, life can still be hard and I know other people are right where or have been where I am.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Things I Forget

I have been thinking lately about how you have so many memories, but you never think of them every day or at one moment, so often we forget the happy, sad, fun, awkward, or embarrassing things that have happened to us.

Here are some memories that I had not thought of until recently:

  • Playing in the evenings with my dad behind my neighborhood elementary school and being carried home on his shoulders listening to his feet hit the gravel and the "crunch" sound that makes.
  • Getting in trouble in music class in kindergarten when I refused to stand up (I said "no" when the teacher asked everyone to get up), and my music teacher dragged me to the class door and made me sit until class was over. My classroom teacher then told me how disappointed she was in me because I was the line leader that week. I was traumatized and never got in trouble in school again. Ironically, I loved music.
  • Sitting at baseball games watching my brothers play and eating ice cream cones on blankets in the grass.
  • Monday night ravioli and bagel nights when dad worked late. Such a luxury!
  • Before I had a Ken doll, Barbie was a lesbian!! How did I know about lesbians at age 8? I have no idea, but I was always open-minded! I know my mom and dad had no idea what Barbie was doing...

    My looks may be deceiving...
  • In middle school, it was a GREAT week if I didn't get in a fight with one of my friends. Why do I remember middle school so fondly, then?

    Love ya this week.

  • In high school I learned the importance of "squatting" when you pee. Except one time I missed and peed all over my pants. I had to walk around the rest of the day with a jacket tied around my waste. I thought it was hilarious!
  • During my 3rd year of college, I shared a double parking space with a sorority sister since we lived in the house. This meant that we each had each others key and had to move the others car if we were parked in. How annoying that was (good thing you don't drive much in college)!
  • I *did* do the college spring break/beach week thing and spent money, had fun and survived. So I guess I used to be able to drink more than two drinks without getting drunk?

  • The awful summer of 2010 when I interviewed and interviewed and interviewed and finally got a job 4 days before I had to start. I need to remember that awful feeling of not knowing if I would be able to not only take care of myself, but prove to people that I deserved a job. I need to be reminded of this on days at work that I am fed up with everything!