As you all know, some days I am pretty 'surface based' in what I talk about on here and other days I get a little deeper. Maybe it's because I had two snow days this week (with a full week off for students) and more time on my hands, or maybe it's because of other stuff going on in my life, but I have been in a very reflective, deep mood...thinking about life, health, happiness, friends, relationships, work, school, goals, ect...
Through all my reflections, I have come to the conclusion that life is pretty great. I am still navigating my own path and my opinions of which way to go change constantly, but I have to say I am good. Very good. Despite it not being perfect.
I also get in reflective moods from my blog reading, too. I have commented on here about my struggles growing up with eating disorders. It is something that I always have to keep in check since I tend to get obsessive/controlling about things, especially when I feel my life is not in my control. What frustrates me most, though, is hearing other people approach their weight/looks in the same way that I used to. I want to run up to them and yell, 'FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE! THIS ISN'T THE KEY TO HAPPINESS!" Regardless of if someone needs to clean up their diet with whole foods or exercise more, I hate how health and happiness so often comes down to weight when we know that they are not a perfect correlation. Especially working with so many women, weight is such a common topic and I find that very sad. We are SO hard on ourselves.
I found a great post yesterday that I wanted to share parts of because it spoke so strongly to me:
It was on a morning run when the decision was made. We were running up a hill, feeling the burn in our thighs and a hunger for air in our lungs, when she mentioned her wild idea for the year. "I'm going to give up the scale." She says through labored breaths. I heard her. Offered a breathless "whoa" over out feet pounding on the pavement. The hill affords me some thinking time. It says I can do it too, give up the scale. I don't tell her because I don't want her to know I'm on board, I want to go home and see what my scale says about being on board.
Twenty four hours later we're back on the roads, running, right foot over left. And I tell her I'm in. I share how I want to savor this year, savor myself and my food and my life and in thinking of savoring all my scale adds is guilt. So I'll join her.
We weighed ourselves the last time on January 1st in her bathroom, sweaty and fresh off a run. And we haven't stepped on a scale in over a month. I miss it some days, when I feel tired and sort of confused about how my day has measured up against yesterday and the day before that and before that too.
I miss it because it told me how to measure my day. Days weren't good or bad. They weren't productive or restful. They lacked pride or frustration. Instead, they were a number. On light days, skinny days, better days, they were 130. Fat days, bad days, ugh days were 135. That scale told me good morning or not. It told me good afternoon or not. It helped me decide on dinner portions, lunch choices, breakfast options. It told me if I got that second coffee or not. It patted me on the back or kicked my knees out from under me. It said everything, until I said goodbye.
And now, I decide between hunger and satiation. I let my clothes compliment me, instead of questioning their size. I measure my worth in action and deed, not weight and calories.
Some days, I stand where that scale used to be and I look in the mirror. I look at myself, the curves and "trouble spots" and think I am beautiful because I'm me, not because of that measuring thing. I am beautiful because beauty happens everywhere, even inside of me.
That mirror reflects my outsides, a part of me I'm happy with. I look and smile back at me, a genuine, bright smile. I am beautiful because beauty happens everywhere, especially inside of me. And that is a weight no scale is going to measure.
So beautifully said and strikingly true in how weight can determine good or bad days. I hope that who ever is reading this can get themselves out of the "cycle of the scale" and focus on weight and food as being good or bad, and instead focus on themselves as a WHOLE person with a SOUL. Because no one will ever look back on their life on their deathbed and wish they had been able to lose those last 10 pounds. We will wish upon more time spent experiencing, living, loving and connecting with others. We need to put focus back where it is due- to people, bettering ourselves and our community and being HAPPY (whatever that looks like to you).
Have a great weekend!