Monday, November 23, 2015

Losing Perspective

I had a very humbling moment the other day that put a lot of things in perspective for me. I was sorting through old emails that I had saved from work and was reading through various funny exchanges with coworkers, and then I cam across the announcement from when I received a big promotion. I saved the initial announcement and all the subsequent emails that came from friends and coworkers congratulating me. I remembered that feeling of excitement and shock from when I received the position and how proud I felt of myself. I remember exactly how it felt to think about the new job and what a great opportunity it would be for me. It's like I was back to two years ago in that moment. It seems like a long time ago, but it was only two years.

I tend to get antsy. I am always looking ahead or in the future for the next thing I want to do or try. I get fed up and make plans for other things. I have a hard time staying in the present and really working through things that aren't making me satisfied. I stay busy instead-> buy a condo, go back to school, run marathons, get second jobs, go on trips, and contemplate what else I could be doing rather than what I am doing. I lose perspective of what the purpose is of all this.

I always lean towards the grass being greener even though I know that is not the case. I know it in my head but my heart feels differently. Lately I have been working on mindfulness and presence and trying to make good of situations. It's hard and I am fighting against a lifetime of habits and mindsets. I crave change and challenges yet the second they aren't new or exciting anymore I crave something different or something I used to have. I live in the past or the future and not the present. That is not the way to live life.

The emails I read recently, the Paris terrorists attacks, talking with people who are struggling financially or with their health or their families...that all brings me back to ground. I don't want to be one of those Generation X/Y people who can't sit still. Those people who are always moving and changing and unsatisfied. Yet, I don't want to sit still either. I think I need to be more mindful of my thoughts and actions and really work on me before I make well-thought out changes. Change doesn't fix things that are going on within myself and I need to remember that. Everything has pros and cons.

I need to make sure I don't keep running away from things and instead face them head on. What this means and how I do it doesn't have to be drastic, but I think that the common thread to all my problems is me. I need to really figure out what is best for me- whether it is personal, professional or physical. I can't lose that perspective. Easier said than done for sure, though!

I hope you’re learning to listen
And I hope you’re learning to stay
And I hope you find what you’re missing
And I hope that you’re making you’re way
I’m a headcase if I don’t keep moving
And my head hurts if I don’t sit still
It’s an itch that I’ll never stop scratching
It’s a hole that I’ll never quite fill
-Electric President

Anyone else struggle with this? 
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