A Change of Pace

New Year...new life? I have been thinking a lot lately about my life and how at 26 years I sometimes feel stuck and scared that this is what the rest of my life will look like...working the same job, living in the same city, doing the same things day in and day out that I do now. While nothing I do or don't do is out of the ordinary, I am not quite sure it is exactly what I want. I feel old and young at the same time, chained and free, optimistic and pessimistic, happy and sad...I can't quite put a finger on what it is that I want, but I know that something has to change, whether it comes from within or without. I set myself a timeline last year of 30. Thirty would be the age that I make big life changes that I am not quite ready to make yet. But the more and more I think of that age, the more I also think I should do something unexpected sooner. Take a path not crossed, make a change without abandon...DO something I have never done without having to plan every minute of it.

I want to highlight an entry from my friend's blog that really brought this need for change to my attention-

I’m 26 years old, the same age as my mother when she had me. At 26, mom was basking in the joy of starting a family. I can’t help but wonder what if someone had told her, in this precious moment, “You have twenty years. Just twenty years until the beginning of the end of your life.” Just something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.

In my very first post, I wrote: “Cancer changes you, changes your life, changes everything.” I knew that; I’d lived that. I never could have imagined though how utterly transformative this journey would be. I haven’t even hit the halfway mark yet.

Someone once referred to Still Easier Than Chemo as my passion project, a perfectly beautiful descriptor at the time — until it became so much more. I’m surrendering myself to this mission. Why not dedicate my life to fighting the disease that robbed my mother of hers? Why not dedicate my life to running in honor of those who cannot?

Twenty years. What if I only had twenty years?

I’m making my move. I hope you find the courage and strength to make yours. Life is too short not to.

This post struck a huge chord in me. This friend of mine lost her mother to cancer and now she is making it her mission in life (something she would not have thought about years ago) to raise money and fight the disease in honor of her mother. It is more than a passion project- it has changed her life. It is not something she planned or wanted, yet it will make her live her life with more meaning and direction than she ever knew how to before. It was unplanned, unexpected but now, is so right.

I obviously don't want something bad to happen before I find a passion project, or my life's passion, but what needs to happen for me to make a life change that would bring me to a place where I don't look ahead 10 or 20 years and think, "eh"? Where I truly bask in the glory and beauty of the everyday and not the doldrums of a life and world without deep meaning and excitement? Would it be a job or a new city or a new outlook? Would it be all of that? When I see the age '26' written on things, I am reminded that I am still so young, so why do I so often feel like I am settled? I recognize that I have so much of a life to live...what will it take to feel like I am living it right? Does anyone else feel this way or understand what I am going through?

How do I go about a true change of pace?

A Stranger's Advice

Some good advice from a random guy's blog I stumbled upon online:

• Possessions are worse than worthless — they’re harmful. They add no value to your life, and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc.
• Slow down. Rushing is rarely worth it. Life is better enjoyed at a leisurely pace.
• Goals aren’t as important as we think. Try working without them for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without goals. And you don’t have to manage them, cutting out on some of the bureaucracy of your life. You’re less stressed without goals, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without them. 
• There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.
• The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey. We’re so worried about goals, about our future, that we miss all the great things along the way. If you’re fixated on the goal, on the end, you won’t enjoy it when you get there. You’ll be worried about the next goal, the next destination.
• A good walk cures most problems. Want to lose weight and get fit? Walk. Want to enjoy life but spend less? Walk. Want to cure stress and clear your head? Walk. Want to meditate and live in the moment? Walk. Having trouble with a life or work problem? Walk, and your head gets clear. (I SOOOOO agree with this! A too hot summer is ruining my favorite activity)
• Let go of expectations. When you have expectations of something — a person, an experience, a vacation, a job, a book — you put it in a predetermined box that has little to do with reality. You set up an idealized version of the thing (or person) and then try to fit the reality into this ideal, and are often disappointed. Instead, try to experience reality as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and be happy that it is.

Think of all this going into the weekend- I especially like the "living without goals." I think goals are important but sometimes can become overwhelming to live with on your shoulders all the time. For the next week I am letting go of all my goals and expectations and am just going to live!