It's gonna be a busy wedding season! Check out my fridge:
Yup, that's 8 weddings this spring/summer as of February! As I have said, I have some pretty loveable friends.
But, as I have also said, weddings bring me a mixed bag of emotions. My great friend, Meredith, who is getting married in July, suggested I read this blog she follows for wedding tips, because it also has great posts on what weddings are like for people who aren't married. The original post is here, but I cut and pasted my favorite parts below, because it puts into words my feelings towards my friends' weddings.
...At thirty years old, I’m single and I’ve never been married. (Engaged once, and that was a huge mistake. The relationship was terrible and I rushed it because of wanting the wedding.)
For years now I have listened to the messages of society about how a woman’s worth is directly tied up in her marital status. I try not to believe it, but it’s hard not to. It’s everywhere I turn. From the Huffington Post publishing an article claiming that if you’re not married by thirty the reason is you must be a bitch, to my mom’s friends gossiping about why someone is still single. “She cared about her career too much.” “She shouldn’t have wasted time with that man who wasn’t going to commit.”
Everyone has an opinion about what a girl has done wrong to end up thirty and unmarried. All that pressure and emotion is extremely present when going to friends’ weddings. I adore my friends, I’m delighted for them when they get engaged and married. That doesn’t make it easy for me, though.
When my closest friend from home called me to tell me she was engaged, I felt two things at once. Very happy for her and devastated that her new husband was “stealing” her from me. I mourned the loss of being the closest person in her life. I felt like her wedding was a ceremony to replace me. In a lot of ways, it was.
I know weddings are about the bride and groom and their love, but at the same time I’m battling my own inner war. I can’t make that go away. As much as I love weddings, they are always going to remind me of what I’m missing, of what I wanted for myself that I’ve not been able to get (when everything else I want is something I work toward and achieve). They fill me with jealousy, love, well wishes, remorse, frustration, appreciation, and disappointment.
Another related post, check out Not Behind, Just Different
I am actually currently very ok my relationship status (I need a dating break) and the weddings coming up (perhaps it has to do with the "Epiphanies" I posted about and an overall feeling of peace I am currently in the midst of (please stay!)), but I also know me and know that I will get down in the dumps between now and when I watch my last friend walk down the aisle this year. My goal is to try to have more joy and ENJOY the weddings, rather than feel sorry for myself or like I am missing out. Heck, maybe I will even bring a date to a wedding this year! Small steps, right?
2 comments:
I've totally be there before! My years of plentiful weddings in one year happened around 2010. I went to 6 in one year!! I was super excited at the first couple of weddings. I also hoped a nice single man would be there to catch the garter as I (mostly the tallest girl there) successfully caught most of the bouquets!! Eventually, going to all of these weddings became mundane and all that wishing, hoping, and praying just exhausted me. Now 3 years later (I gave up on catching bouquets...figured I'd give those other chicks a chance to catch it), still single, and still not any where near close to getting married (then again, you never know what could happen), I too am at peace (yes, please stay)!!! When I do attend weddings, I don't care if there are no single men there, I am just happy to share in the joy with my friends. I've also been in relationships that weren't that great and have thanked God for letting me "dodge a bullet" and not have made it official with some of the unsuitable suitors that I have dated. I'm also spending time enjoying my life! This summer I have an awesome line up of events planned and I know that might not have been possible if I were married with kids. I'm just appreciating what life is for right now and still desire to be married one day, but only when the time is right and when the right man for me finds me. I trust God's judgment and timing because with everything else in life, when it's done on his time, it's always more than I could ever imagine or think!! Enjoy your weddings this year! Have fun! Dance until your feet hurt! Take advantage of the open bar (watch those calories though...we're still in need to be fit queens), and just take it for what it is!!! A lovely good time!!! OH and this has inspired me to write a blog on this topic!! Thanks!!! :)
Glad you know where I am coming from! I am definitely looking at the positives of my life right now more than the negatives, and I love that my life is all about ME (as selfish as that sounds). I can do what I want when I want with no one telling me otherwise. It's fun and freeing!
Post a Comment