Relationships

It's Friday, February the 13th yet all around is LOVE because VALENTINE'S day is tomorrow:)

I have spoken in the past of how Valentine's Day doesn't mean much to me in terms of feeling like I need to be in a relationship. It honestly doesn't bother me one way or the other. I actually view the day and time surrounding it as a time to show everyone around you how much they mean to you (I also have awesome friends who throw Valentine's Day gatherings so they can bring all the people they care about together)!

I wrote a few years ago about Valentine's Day during a particularly hard time for me. I said:

What is my ultimate goal or wish? Is it a certain job, travel, money, or family?  I couldn't help but think that it isn't something or someone: instead it is some people. Not necessarily romantic companions but people to share it all with; the ups and downs, the excitement, the worry, the fear, the difficulty and the successes. It all should not be tackled alone. No matter what you do can be made fun or special with those people beside you ... I am lucky that many people in my life can do that.

My friends, all of you, are magnificent people who touch the lives of many, including me. I am lucky to know each and everyone of you. Because I think that true love, true soul mates, are those that grow up with you and stick by you and are your partners in crime even when all the complexities and distances of life get in the way. They are who you know at seven and seventy-seven, some for only a short while and some for your whole life, some to help you through one part and others to stand by you through it all. You may not live with them or know them your whole life, you may not gaze into each other's eyes and share romantic moments and feelings (though that could be argued), but the love you have for your friends can often be the most intimate kind, because it is truly non-binding and without expectations: one done out of pure choice and love.

I love my friends. I look forward to a life with them. They are my constant and true valentines.

I had to reinstate that quote from my baby 24-year-old-self (wasn't I so wise?), because it still remains SO TRUE to my life today. My friends are the loves of my life at this point. No matter who comes and goes romantically, friends are who I could not and would not want to live this life without.

Relationships are tough. They leave you giddy, excited, happy and nervous at some times and uncertain, anxious, sad and angry at others. Often they can leave you questioning your worth, your goals, and your values despite your head telling you the contrary. Leading and feeling with your heart is such an emotional roller coaster. We all know that what is important to you should never be impacted by anyone else, and how you feel about yourself should always remain the most important. Though that is easier said than done!

I have spoken a lot over the past few months of self-worth, life values, DOING YOU, and living in accordance with what you feel is right at the time. I am constantly learning how to navigate the many facets of my life, including work, school, marathon training, friends, family and relationships, and I am a work in progress. But what I have learned is important, mainly that: sometimes letting go is the only answer, quitting is actually winning, and falling down is the only way to pick yourself back up stronger and smarter than before.  *Tell my teenage heart this and she would roll her eyes at you*

So on this Valentine's Day, I don't pretend to be the expert on any relationships, but I do know one thing: the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. (thank you, Carrie Bradshaw...my relationship guru).

Happy Valentine's Day today and all year round- surround yourself with people who love you. And love yourself and all your faults, no matter what.

Everything Happens for a Reason

I rarely post on work, but I must fill you all in on something...

I got a new job:)

This has been a very unexpected, humbling, and exciting development. One of those rare moments in life where I was truly caught by surprise. 

Going back 8 months, I started applying and interviewing for numerous jobs as the school year was ending. I was looking for promotions or a new atmosphere. I got interviews, did well on some and not so well on some, and ultimately was surprised when two jobs I thought I had ended up going to other people.

I was sad, confused and frustrated, because I felt that I wasn't getting jobs I deserved. I hated feeling stuck and stifled, because I wanted opportunities to grow and develop as a counselor and educator, but I wasn't able to in the way I imagined. I even applied to different counties in hopes that I would get the opportunity to begin at a new place.

Fast forward to August, I started back at my school under new leadership. It was hard for me to go back because I had felt cheated, but I also enjoyed the changes that the new leadership brought to the school. I was content to stay another year and hopefully develop more qualities to be a better applicant.

Then something unexpected happened- a new job opened up in late November for a new Technical Center Campus opening in September.

I read the job description, and from what I knew about the responsibilities of the current Tech Center, I applied thinking I had a shot. I talked with coworkers at my school who had previously worked at that school or in related fields and got information. I called a few people for more scoop on the position. I got an interview.

I knew this was a highly sought after job, so I was very pleased with getting an interview. My goal was to go in and have a good interview. I just didn't want to embarass myself!

The interview happened last Monday. Before the interview I saw another interviewee leave, and I felt defeated. Of course, she would get it. She had more experience than I and would do a great job. Why was I even here? I made up my mind while waiting in the lobby before going into the interview that this would be the last "promotion" I applied to until I could get experience at different schools or levels.

I went in and did ok. I felt my personality shown through very well but that someone else probably answered the questions better. However, I had good rapport with the principal, so at least I didn't feel embarrased! I left and told those who knew I had applied that I surely didn't get it. Three days went on and no news was heard, so I was 100% convinced it wasn't me.

Then came Friday morning.

I was getting off a plane in Austin at 10 AM Texas time when I turned on my phone. I had a voice message from HR. It was like my heart stopped.

I called back once I got in the terminal.

I had gotten the job.

I was literally shaking and at a loss for words. So rarely in life does something so unexpected happen. 

It was a great start to the weekend, but it was also hard to be away from work when this developed as news was spreading and I was not one to deliver it. I also had questions that I could not get answers to until Monday. A few sleepless nights (and a fabulous trip) later, Monday arrived.

I was nervous and excited to go back to work and see everyone. From the minute I walked in, though, I was overcome with support. The encouragement from the administration, my counseling team, the staff at my school and even from around the county once the announcement went out was incredible.

I hope everyone has one day in their life like I did today- where you see yourself in other people's eyes and see the reach that you can have within a small place.

I will miss my school, the students and the staff. Leaving is always hard, but this whole experience has taught me that everything happens for a reason. If I had moved to another school or gotten another job last spring or summer, I would not have the opportunity for this new job. A job that I truly believe is the best fit for me.

So thank you to everyone reading this for your support! I am humbled, honored and grateful to be where I am today, and I will work to never lose this feeling.

About that facebook post...

I have never in my life had as much responses to a facebook post as I did this week (keep in mind, the normal posts that trigger a lot of responses have to do with engagements, weddings and/or babies, none of which I qualify for).

The post was this (with over 85 comments/likes):

The next person that tells me "I can't believe you're single!" or "you'll meet someone someday," I will punch in the face. I am doing just fine, thank you.

I haven't really spoken much about my relationship status on this blog for a while, because there frankly isn't much to talk about. I go on dates and meet people I sometimes like but often don't and nothing really comes of it. I go through phases where I date a lot and then those where I don't date much for a while. I have crushes occasionally and people crushing on me occasionally.

I am picky. 

I am not going to spend my time and energy with someone I don't want to. I enjoy doing my own things and if someone isn't worth giving up that time for, I simply won't.

It's not sad. It's not tragic. Frankly, it's good. It's progress. It's the twenty-first century.

My life is just as complete, sometimes more so and sometimes less so, than people in relationships or with families. My friends are my family. My time is mine. I am lucky that I can spend so much of my time doing exactly what I want and learning about myself. I am saving, spending and investing. I am growing as an independent person who can take great care of herself. I am healthy. I am learning, exploring, doing, being and living. 

It is not 1913. It is 2013.

Great, smart, and successful single people are everywhere. I know many of them as friends, neighbors and coworkers. I do not think less of them- I envy them! Their ideas and minds and way of life are invigorating, often more so than mine. I learn from them and live by them, just as I learn and live by those in relationships and with families. There are so many great ways to live life! 

 I simply wish it wasn't so common that people think the most interesting thing about you is whether or not you are in a relationship. Or that it somehow makes you more accomplished if you are. Or that if you aren't, it is only a matter of time before something happens.

You are not psychic. You do not know if I will ever meet someone. Telling me that I will makes me feel that you think my life is not complete until then. 

My life is complete now. I am and will be fine either way. I may never have kids, but married peole don't always have kids. I may never be married, but a marriage is not always a measure of success in love nor a reflection of happiness. I would rather be alone and unhappy than unhappy and alone in a relationship. Yes, I did not always feel this way, (turns out 27 and 25 are very different from one another in terms of self-confidence and life direction), but I do now. I am growing up.

So next time you are close to questioning someone about their relationship status, really think if that is the most telling thing about them. 

I hope it is not.

Throwback to some awesome single ladies from college (only 2 in this pic are married and all are equally amazing).

Full of LOVE

 
I feel so full of love today. Love for life, my friends and family; full of optimism and believing in the good of people. It is perfect that this all has been accentuated by the fact that it is Valentine's Day! Days like today are always amusing in a high school, because students carry around balloons, candy and teddy bears like prized possessions (surely to the dismay of their single peers). Many coworkers of mine also got delivered flowers and chocolates, and Valentine's were put in mailboxes with special cupcakes for sale (thank you to my Secret Buddy for my Valentine basket)! It was a very festive day.

The ironic, yet funny, part of my day was that my coworker had to leave work before her boyfriend's flowers arrived. Since I live closest to her, I offered to take them home, and they spent the day on my desk! I felt very special and found it very ironic/funny having these flowers in my office and when taking them out to my car, which confused many friends who wondered who they were from (someone even excitedly walked into my office saying, "OMG who are those from??!!")! So thanks to my coworkers boyfriend, Shane, for my 5 minutes of feeling special:)! Obviously not what he intended.

On another wrote, I wrote about my true loves on Valentine's Day two years ago, and the statement still captures exactly how I feel about my amazing, loving friends:

My friends are magnificent people who touch the lives of many, including me. The good that they do for the world is immeasurable. I am lucky to know each and everyone of them. Because I think that true love, true soul mates, are those that grow up with you and stick by you. They are your partners in crime even when all the complexities and distances of life get in the way. They challenge you and their spirit stays with you. They are who you know at seven and seventy-seven; some for only a short while and some for your whole life; some to help you through one part and others to stand by you through it all. You may not live with them or know them forever, and you may not gaze into each other's eyes and share romantic moments and feelings (though that could be argued), but the love you have for your friends can often be the most intimate kind, because it is truly non-binding and without expectations: one done out of pure choice and love.

Friends are my constant, true Valentines! Much LOVE to you all!

Why You're Single

You’re single because you’re single. It’s not because you texted too much or too little or waited 33 minutes to respond because he took 23. It’s not because you met up with your ex that night at 5 a.m. that no one knows about, or because you kissed another boy after a date with a loser.

You’re not single because you spit food on that date or tripped coming out the the movie theatre. You’re not single because you hurt your first boyfriend really badly when you were 15 or because you have yet, to this day, to apologize. It’s not because you were secretly jealous when your friend got a boyfriend or that a guy you dated for two months now has a really cute girlfriend and looks really happy. And you’re happy for him. But still ill that he found someone before you.

You’re not single because you slept with your ex boyfriend. You’re not single because half the world found out when you didn’t even want to remember it yourself. You’re not single because you think the guy your friend wants to hook you up with is ugly or not tall enough. It’s not because you’re not willing to put up with someone who doesn’t brush their teeth on a regular basis.

You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.

You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now. 


I thought this was a very nice article to dedicate to all my amazing single friends (and to myself) who are great just the way they are!

Thanks to Thought Catalog for this.

Wedding Crasher

My 2012 wedding season is over!

Since May, I have had the privilege of attending six weddings. All were wonderful and had unique character. I drank a lot of good alcohol, ate too much wonderful food, danced more than I have since college frat parties (and learned a few new, more classy moves), saw many wonderful friends that live near and far, bought many gifts and new dresses, and celebrated the best part of life- LOVE! Only one wedding was out of town, so I also didn't have to travel very far. And I only had one meltdown about not being anywhere near my own wedding (too bad it was on the way to a church of a wedding I was in), but I would still say it was a success!

Twenty Thirteen looks to be another busy season as well- as of now I know of SIX weddings I am invited to in June, July and August, and it looks as if that number may be going up! The mid- to late-twenties certainly are a time of wedded bliss! I also am lucky to have so many wonderful friends that think of me as someone they want to be a part of their special day (and am lucky to be in touch with so many people). It is getting to the point where I won't be able to attend all the weddings due to travel and time issues, but I am going to do my best because they are such great experiences (maybe I will actually bring a date to one of them?!)

So adios to this wedding season! I will rest my dancing shoes, wallet, and liver for next year!

Nicole and Dan in May

Sarah and Zack in June

Brooke and Peter in July

Cate and Ryan in September

Jane and Doug in October

Keaton and Keely in October


*And if you like trivia, I keep track of all of the weddings I have ever been to, and with the wedding this past weekend, I have been (not just invited) to 25 total weddings (I started young with my extended family)! Wedding snob, anyone?