Monday, December 13, 2010

Teenage Dream

While at my parent’s house this weekend, I found some old high school assignments on my parent’s computer. I had not looked at these since high school (so over 7 years ago) and didn’t even know they were still on our computer. I had a good laugh reading old papers and projects (especially my writing), but the funniest part was finding an old journal that I wrote talking about the drama’s of high school life. Here is a sample (censored and cut down with names removed, of course):

        First off, whoever said high school was the best four years of their life has got to be joking. I hope it is the worst four years so I would have gotten it out of the way. My life is sooo boring…
Well one person in particular annoys the crap out of me. _____! all the sudden she thinks she’s bad and has to go out and do all this crap everyone else does…why does she all the sudden have to be like everybody else? Those are the type of people I am sick of… I just wanna meet new people…
        Ya sure there are some people like me like but they get in their little moods too when I just wanna live somewhere else. The only problem is I don’t see them as much as all the Humanities people so it still sucks…

I’m gonna do homework and school is gonna be my life till I get out of college in 6 years and then what? If I don’t fall in love with someone who will save me and turn my life around…nothing will ever happen but work…work…work…work. Ughhhh.

        This is probably one of the last thoughts on my mind this new year…I’ve had a wonderful holiday season!! The break has been great…I’ve seen family…I got new clothes and have been shopping!!!! HahaJ And I have taken a break from school…which I really need before exams!! Anyways here are my last thoughts about my year and the next (and these are my own quotes):
“Be true to myself.”
“Many years from now, what I did or didn’t do won’t matter. What will matter is what I have, and I hope to have friends that will last a lifetime. The only way to have true friends though, is to be true to myself, starting right now”
MY RESOLUTION: To not have anyone’s opinion infringe on my good judgment, to be true to myself, to accept myself and my abilities, to not worry, to take life as it comes at me, to be happy with all I accomplish and with who I am. I AM ME AND NO ONE, NO COLLEGE, NO PERSON, CAN TAKE AWAY MY UNIQUENESS!! Happy New Year! Bring it on 2003!!

        It’s been a while since I’ve written because of exams and all that not fun type of stuff. The year’s been average so far. I’m still not in a real good place with my friends or anything but I’m beginning to look forward to things and have new hobbies that keep me busy. Right now I’m not ashamed to admit that I have no life. For instance this weekend I’ll be baking for all my friends cuz I want to, I have an awesome book to read, volunteering and then everyday homework. This is all fine with me, because the last few weeks have been busy. I don’t need to get drunk, do drugs or smoke to have fun, which I think is not a bad thing but an accomplishment. Being a teen is hard and I think I am coming to accept that.

So dramatic!! The funny thing about all this stuff is that I forgot about it. You always look back and generally think about all the good things that you forget about the stuff that makes you mad. But reading all these brought it all back! SO much girl drama! This last entry is a random document that was probably for a school assignment, but I don’t remember what for. I think it is pretty good.

Ever since I was a young girl my dreams, ambitions, and goals have kept changing. The years turn many of my old ideas into dim memories. Right now I have basic aspirations for the future, but these do not involve a particular career. No matter what job I obtain or career I pursue, I want to be true to myself, for I have learned that doing so is the most important thing in life. If people do not learn to accept themselves for who they are, they won’t be able to accomplish anything truly meaningful. I feel I have become able to do this in recent years, and hope that I will continue to develop this characteristic in the future. Also, no matter what I become, I want to be happy, for happiness, not money, is key to a positive life. In addition to accepting myself, I want to be accepting of others and their beliefs. Everyone is not the same, and the world would be dull if we were all alike. I have noticed that many people do tend to be judgmental of others, and I hope that I do not become like that. I want to appreciate all people for their unique traits. My lifelong goal is to continue to work toward personal fulfillment, and hopefully this will enable me to become something wonderful, exciting and challenging. I know life will not be easy; I only hope it will be a great adventure and that I will not regret anything.

Poetic, huh?

The funny thing is, though, that some of the things I said in this journal (and not all was included here) still ring VERY true. Not the friend drama- that ends in college, but the wanting to find fulfillment outside of school/work and feeling so caught up in the academic aspect of everything. I was like that all through college, and still to this day I put more priorities on work than I would like. But I am getting better. It’s easy to want something else, but it’s harder to actually realize how you should go about doing it. It’s like you work your whole life to get somewhere, and then once you’re there you don’t know what to do. It’s hard to work for something and have it be your whole world, and when it comes and you’ve achieved it, you lose a bit of yourself. School was always a big part of me, so I am still figuring out how to channel that drive and energy into another aspect of my life. (Hobby suggestions anyone?) But I do find that things I wanted in high school are still the things that I want today. Sure, ideals may change forms and you may want them in different ways, but I guess the key aspects to who you really are really never change. You may get older and wiser, but your soul is still the same.

I guess in the end, we’re all just big kids with big dreams waiting for that fairytale life…

…. cue Taylor Swift song.

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